Under Pressure

It was 9 AM at "Manoj" Bhavan.

His Excellency walked into his Office. HE resembled Geriatrix. He fancied himself after the Governorator. Upstairs his grandson was listening to his favorite song for the 3rd time that day. HE could faintly hear the words drifting in the air - "Mm Ba Ba Be.... Um Bum Ba De..."

HE went through the morning papers. Everywhere in the news, there was coverage about Tea-rror. HE shook his head.  Because of this Tea-rror issue, HE was having some sort of Delhi Belly for the last few days, which has been caused by the pressure from his superiors in Delhi.

His Assistant walked in to his office and informed that Delhi wants a status report at 10 AM. HE cursed under his breath about the pain of preparing multiple status reports these days. HE opted for this job because, he felt he has done enough work over the years and earned enough for seven generations and now it’s time for some southern sojourn. He did not expect such Tea-rror acts to happen. The music can still be heard upstairs - " Pressure..... pushing down on me.....Pressing down on you.... no man ask for....."

HE got the latest information from his various sources, asked his assistant to prepare the status report and send it to Delhi.

Around 11.30 AM, HE switched on the TV and located a Telugu news channel. There were pictures of burning buildings and people running helter-skelter in the streets and some rioting. Upstairs, unaware of his Grandpa's activities, his grandson was listening to his fav song for the 7th time that day. "Pressure... that burns a building down...Splits a family in two...Puts people on streets....Um ba ba be..."

HE switched off the TV and had a glass of water and went out for a College Annual Day Celebration, where he was the guest of honour. In the function, HE gave a speech about the virtues of hard work and importance of honesty. HE spoke about how not to give in to temptations and bow down to forbidden pleasures. HE got a good round of applause from the students. After the function, HE reached his 'Manoj Bhavan' office back by 2PM.

HE was having his lunch, when the phone rang. HE was informed about students laying siege to some legislators and how they were badly beaten up by the agitating students of the Bossmania University. Upstairs the music can still be heard. " It's the tea-rror of knowing what this world is about....Watching some good friends screaming 'Let me out'..."

HE was shocked at the news and left his lunch half way through to get more updates about the incident. He collected all the details for and sent a status report to Delhi by the 3 PM deadline. In the late afternoon, more reports came in about businesses being targeted and more violence on the streets. Upstairs, the same song was being repeated for the 12th time that day. "Pressure on people... People on streets...."

There were conflicting views coming out of Delhi and he could not handle much more. The Delhi higher-ups released a statement late evening and the impact of it was immediate on the city, adding further fuel to the tea-rror. HE feared more status reports and more work. HE could not handle all this. HE felt very stressed out, having to be in the middle of things when it was boiling. The music was drifting in from upstairs. "Turned away from it all like a blind man....Sat on a fence but it don't work..."

HE wanted to get away from it all. HE wanted to go into his own fantasy land and forget everything thats happening around him. HE could not take it anymore. Upstairs, still unaware of his grandpa's activities, his grandson was singing out loud along with Freddie Mercury..."Keep coming up with love....but it's so slashed and torn....Why - why - why ?....Love love love love love...."

Finally, the music seemed to inspire him. It was 7 PM and HE picked up the Phone and called a number that he regularly called over the years. There was a welcome message and he dialed 1 for English. He next dialed 2 for existing customer and then chose 4 for new contacts. He then dialed 9 to speak to customer service executive. After waiting for 6 minutes and 32 seconds, a voice finally answered - "Good Evening. Thank you for calling Fantasy Escort Services. How can I assist you?"

HE spoke in to the phone...." I need %^*((*&(#$$%%%$$#..." "Yes. That’s right. I want Three..." Yes.... $%$##@#$%%". "Yes. Thank you. That will be all for tonight.". He replaced the receiver. Upstairs, the music can still be heard. "Insanity laughs... under pressure we're cracking...."

A car drove into "Manoj Bhavan" at 9 PM and dropped three of his companions. The music from upstairs was loud enough to be heard in the portico. "Can't we give ourselves one more chance....Why can't we give love that one more chance..."

HE welcomed them and they all had a few drinks and made themselves comfortable for the night. This time the music was a bit softer and faint and gave a good backdrop for them. " And love dares you to care for...The people on the edge of the night... And love dares you to...."

One of the companions placed a mobile phone on the desk. It was needless to say that the phone had a camera and video recording facilities. They all retired for the day. The music was still drifting from upstairs for the 23rd time. "This is our last dance....This is our last dance....This is ourselves.... Under pressure....Under pressure.... Pressure...."

The next morning HE woke up alone and it was almost 10 AM. He switched on the bedside TV and was shocked to see some Porn clips being telecast as breaking news in a local channel.

Author's Note: For best results, its highly recommended that you listen to the song "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie, while reading this posting.

(C) Vijayaganesh Sampathkumar - 2009. All Rights Reserved.

'Hagen-Dazs

He took his grandchild to the neighborhood park. He had promised his grandchild a special treat for good behaviour.

There were no trees or greenery in the park. It was just a lot of emptiness with a few benches.They sat down on a bench. He ordered a glass of water from the nearby vendor for his grandchild. The water was piping hot.

"Grandpa. Why do we always have to have the water, this hot. Can we not have water that's not so hot?"

"You mean you want something cold, dear?"

"What is cold, grandpa?"

"Cold is something that is .... cold... Its hard to explain, kitten. Its like Ice."

"Ice? Whats Ice, grandpa?"

"Ice is water.. That is frozen. Like they once had in Arctic and in Antarctic."

"Arctic? Antarctic? What are those, grandpa?"

"Arctic is the top of the world."

"Top of the world? You mean the desert that they showed in Discovery channel? Where camels roamed around and where there is no water, except for the oasis?"

"Yes. Thats the one."

"How there was ice in the desert? Its unthinkable, grandpa."

"The Ice was always there dear. The ice once covered the whole world. And slowly slowly it melted away and left a vast desert. And be careful dear... You are spilling the water from your glass. Don't waste it. It cost me a fortune.. that glass of water you are holding."

"Okay. I will be careful. Its great to have a glassful of water after such a long time. Thanks for the treat grandpa. And how did the Ice melt?"

"The Ice melt because, everyone wanted a bigger car, a bigger house, a bigger bonus."

"Come on Grandpa... How can Ice melt if someone had a bigger car or a bigger house?"

"Dear... Now you are talking like the signatories to the 'Hagen Accord."

"What's 'Hagen Accord, grandpa?"

"One fine winter day, all the important people in the world, met in 'Hagen and decided to issue what was known as the 'Hagen Accord. After signing the accord, they all sang - "Hey, Hey, I saved the world today.... Everybody's happy now... The bad things gone away...And Everybody's happy now... The Good thing is here to stay..." "

"Oh.. What happened after that grandpa? Did that stop the melting?"

"After signing and singing, they all had Häagen-Dazs, went back home and continued doing what they were always doing. They did not notice that the Ice cream had started to melt, before they had put in the first spoonful in their mouth."


(c) Vijayaganesh Sampathkumar - 2009. All rights reserved.

Tea-rror

The Tea-rrific city in the south which is the Toast of the MNCs, now finds itself in a Jam. The Biryani's own city is now Sandwich-ed between issues.

The reason? Suddenly, many people have started demanding that they want Tea and would not do with anything else. Its not only in the city, but also in the nearby Tea favoring districts as well.

Why this sudden affinity towards Tea? Demand for Tea is not something new, but was always there. In fact, the last few elections were fought over the Tea cause. However, the people's verdict was not overwhelmingly in favor of having Tea.

The Tea drinkers have suddenly felt that they are being marginalized by the Coffee drinkers from the fertile Coast. They feel that the Tea shops are slowly being bought over and converted in to Coffee shops. The Tea drinkers feel oppressed and marginalized, in their own words.

The VRS (Volunteer Rowdy Services) a non-existent party claims that it is the leading light for the Tea drinkers. They claim that they are fighting for the Tea cause and want to free the Tea drinking oppressed people from the sweep of the Coastal tide. The VRS party chief Mr.VCR (Volunteer Chief Rxxxx - Sorry I cannot expand this for obvious reasons) claimed that he will hit the fast lane in support of the Tea cause. He must have hit the gas a bit hard, as the statistics point out that he is finding himself in the middle of a "Student's Tea-distribution".

The Bossmania University students (or are they goons under the guise of students?) went on a rampage and ended up giving the city an impression of stale Biryani. They attacked the Malls and adjoining businesses, because the malls had coffee shops and the businesses were it's patrons. Scared out of their wits (or should I say Shxxs), the other shops downed their shutters in a domino-effect and fled without having their afternoon Tea. When the fuel pumps closed shop, the local news channels jumped in to fill the void by adding fuel to the fire and unnecessarily Tea-rrorizing the city's residents.

The State and the Central Governments are not able to clearly decide, if they want to meet with the demands of the Tea drinkers. They feel that  they cannot side with the Tea drinkers and there by incurring the wrath of the Coffee growers who ultimately lubricate the engines of the money-making political machinery.

I don't see any point in this whole issue. Coffee shops also serve Tea. Tea shops also serve Coffee. How many know this? How does it matter, as to who owns the shop? Let it be a Coffee drinker or a Tea drinker. What the people are going to get ultimately is a raw deal and a pissed up brew. How does it matter as to who pisses it up?

(c) Vijayaganesh Sampathkumar - 2009. All Rights Reserved.

To Change or Not To Change

I was wondering for the last few weeks, if I should change my blog's title.

I googled and found that everyone and their uncle had a blog titled "Thoughless Thoughts" or one of its variants. I felt that my blog needed a more distinct title.

So here it is. The new Title -
"Ganesar's G(y)an-ja. No Grass. Only Gas.

I thought some slangs would make it more distinctive. How do you like the new title? Share your views on the poll.

Nothing dopey about this.