The Austerity Drive

The Chairman of the newly formed Austerity Overseeing Authority of India(AOAI), Mr.Sinha, woke up at 6 AM. He quickly switched off the Carrier Aircon air-conditioning in his Government provided bungalow with 6 bedrooms. His Butler (12000 per month) brought him bed tea in a fine bone china tea set imported from England (98 pounds).

He quickly brushed and showered in his Kohler Freelance (upwards of 200000) shower suite and dressed in his Reid & Taylor suit (34000). He had his breakfast of toast and gourmet coffee and left for office in his Government provided chauffeur driven white Honda Civic car (1180000) with revolving top lights to his office. His brand new swanky office was located at 28, Kanjoos Marg, New Delhi - 110 002. (built with 50 crores of tax payer money).

He occupied his desk made of Burma Teak wood (upwards of 120000). Behind him, the logo of AOAI was painted on the wall. It had a Black Vulture looking stern and business like. Below it the statement read - "WE WORK TO SAVE YOUR MONEY". In his office, he checked the files in his "In" tray and signed all the waiting files with his Sheaffer Javelin pen (774.50).

He called his secretary (12000 per month) to book a ticket to Mumbai to attend an official meeting next month. For her query about whether to book in a plane (2474 for economy) or train, he said that booking should be made in train only, as he cannot be seen traveling in a plane. He wanted to be an example for others to follow him. He added that he would travel "High Class" in a train and not on "Cattle class" in a plane. The secretary booked the ticket in the Mumbai Rajdhani (3305 for 1st Class AC) for him.

He dictated a letter to his secretary addressing the district collectors of all districts in India about Austerity measures announced by the Government. He told the secretary to print the letter in Color (998 per cartridge) and send in triplicate to each district collector in India (600 + districts, with new ones being formed every other day). He also instructed her to send the letter by Green Dart ( 50 per cover), instead of through India Post (3 per cover).

The time on his Cartier watch was 10.20 AM and he had a meeting with various Regional Austerity Commissioners at 10.30. They had also traveled by train (again 1st class AC) and have been put up in 4 star deluxe hotels (Stay at 5 star hotels are frowned upon by the Government). They all met at The Diplomat hotel's conference center (250000 per day excluding lunch) which was booked to the expense of the Government. They discussed about how to cut wasteful expenditure like Rural Health care, Primary Education and various Irrigation projects.

At 12.30, they all broke for lunch at the Olive River restaurant. They enjoyed the buffet spread (799 plus taxes). The Chairman particularly enjoyed the "Corn on the Cob with Mint-Feta" and "Mahi-Mahi in Tomato Olive Sauce" and had a third helping of each. They all got back to their discussion at 2 PM.

They discussed more on cost cutting and finally agreed to issue instructions to all Government offices, that there is going to be no such thing as a "Free Tea" for the Government staff, henceforth. They estimated that this measure is going to save the exchequer to the extent of 250 crores per annum. The Government will open tea centers at all offices (Additional cost to exchequer is 200 Crores per annum and this was never discussed) and the Government staff will have to pay for their cup of tea henceforth.

With that, they had their tea break. They had Japanese Green Tea along with plates of Salted Cashewnuts, Paneer Pakodas and Dhoklas (only 499 plus taxes).

They continued their session for another half an hour discussing about things in general and concluded that their meeting that day was a great success. They wound up their meeting and went off to catch their trains (do I again have to say, that its 1st Class AC?) to get back to their respective regions.

While leaving, at the main door of the hotel, the Chairman tipped the Doorman with a brand new Five Rupees coin and felt proud about himself and of his job about saving the tax payer's money.

(c) Vijayaganesh Sampathkumar -2009. All Rights Reserved.