Oru CBI Diary Kurippu^

(^ - A CBI Diary report - translated from Malayalam).

Have you ever watched a movie and pissed in your pants or whatever else you normally wear? No???

Are you sure??? Still No???? Oh... Come on.. Don't give me that.

Not even in your childhood? Not even in your dream? Oh.. I don't believe it. Anyway, since you are not being forthright with me, that doesn't mean I should not be forthright with you. Read on to know my experience with this...

It was a cold day in December 2010. I usually buy two newspapers, but something made me buy 3 of them on that day. I finished reading all the three before I left for work. On returning from work, I was watching all the usual dinky English TV news channels well into the night, before I retired for the day. All the papers / channels were covering the same stuff the whole day. Of course, its not about the Niira Radia tapes, silly!!! Why would the TV news channels cover about that, huh? Though they think viewers like us are dumb, they are not thaaat dumb. What did you take them for, huh?

I must have been really tired, because I had a long dream soon enough.

It was morning 7 AM and our guy was watching TV. They were showing a Tamil movie. The movie was Naane Raja Naane Mandhiri (I am the King - I am the Minister). Just then, his latest 3G (not bought with 2G money) cell phone rang. It was his PA. His PA was nervous on the other end.

"Saar... Saar... There is a bunch of cars in front of the house and lots of men wearing ties and coats are getting out."

"Wow... Amazing...How can you see whats happening in my home, while sitting there in your home?"

"Saar... Even in your house? I was telling that I could see them in front of my house. We are doomed."

"Cut the phone.. I will call you later."

A bunch of well dressed people entered the house. One of them introduces himself. "My name is Mamooty. I am a CBI Officer. This is a search operation and here is the warrant. Please co-operate".

"I have always co-operated with everyone involved. How else can I do what I did?"

They soon get down to work and were quite busy for a while. Meanwhile, our guy continues to watch the movie, not having anything else to do.

After the search:

"We have found these diaries. They are all written in Tamil. We think its all code words for payments made in the scam. Can you tell us what these entries mean?

"Scam? What are you guys talking about? I am a faithful worker of my party. I pray to my lord everyday. My lord will save me and he is none other than the great leader for whom there is no God."

"This entry is dated in November 2008. This says, Moo Ka 500. What do you mean by this? We think its 500 crores paid to a certain leader in your party."

"Oh... Thats nothing. While I was going for a meeting in Delhi, I saw one guy selling salted Chenna. I bought some for five rupees and ate it. In our village, people call this "Mookku Kadalai". So I wrote it in abbreviated form. In case you don't know, my neighbouring village people call it as "Konda Kadalai".

"What about this then.... December 2008, there is an entry named Kani 300?"

"Oh.. that is when we all had a drinks session within our party".

"So, do you accept that during the drinks party celebration, you passed on 300 crores to your leader's daughter?"

"Wait a minute. I never said anything about any drinks party. We had a party meeting and I got Mango Frooty cool drink and served everyone. It cost me 300 rupees".

" Clever.. eh.. what about these entries then. This one says, Son of S. Gandhi - 300?"

" Thats the amount that I gave him".

"Ah.. Finally. So you accept sharing your kickbacks. Don't you?"

"Kickbacks.. what are you talking about? There is a lady in our village by the name of Suryagandhi. I gave her son three rupees to buy some "Then Mittai" (Honey candy)."

"So.. are you saying you did not make any money in this whole scam? Never mind. We will know our answer in the next 3 months."

(To his deputy) - "Whats the latest score, man?"

"1203 / 251287"

"Its only the beginning of the innings. Wait till the score improves.  We will catch you with your hands inside the candy jar. We are waiting for the site to upload the relevant cable from the ND Embassy. They are sure to have sent a cable about this. Whatever we cannot find, those guys in the embassy would have easily found out long back, with their superior wire taps and fingerprinting technology. Afterall, what are you, when compared to Bunky Moon?"

(To his team) - "Guys.. Lets leave now. Start watching the site and get me the latest score everyday".

By this time, the movie on the TV was about to end. In the movie, there was a train about to leave and it blew a loud whistle. Thats when, our guy started pissing in his Dhoti.

C'mon.. I never did say anything about me pissing in my pants. Did I?


(C) Vijayaganesh Sampathkumar - 2010. All Rights Reserved.